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The Pramshed

 

Dear Amanda*

It broke my heart to see you crying today. But also, I was glad. I was glad that you let it all out, and I was glad that you could be so honest and open about how you’re feeling.

The last time I saw you, you were about 20 weeks pregnant. You were nervous, as all expectant mums would be. With a young child already, you knew that things might be difficult sometimes with a new baby, and we laughed about my own trials and tribulations with 2 small kids! In hindsight, I wish I had told you how emotional the first few months had been for me. I wish I had told you that there will be days when it all just feels a little bit… well, shit.

New Mum A Letter To You

Seeing you cry today took me back to those first few days, weeks, and months. Hearing you say “Some days I just don’t like my son anymore” reminded me of the subtle ways that my own daughter’s behaviour changed in those first weeks. Yes, they were subtle, but they felt like huge changes. It felt like she was punishing me. I felt like I had let her down by bringing my new bundle into our home.

People told me that she was bound to act up. It was natural for her to feel like she was losing out. It was understandable, she had gone from having our undivided attention to suddenly having to share us. But none of that made me feel any better, in fact it made feel worse. Why should she lose out? Why should she have to share our attention? I was failing her, and I didn’t know how to fix it.

Every time someone came to visit the baby, they brought my daughter a present, so that she didn’t feel left out. But that only made her behaviour worse; for a short time she became selfish and spoiled – things she had never really been before.

“When I’m at home, just me and the baby, everything’s fine”

I continued to take my daughter to nursery 3 days a week, and the relief I felt when I dropped her off on those mornings was tangible. I felt my whole body relax. I get it, I really do.

I wanted to write you this letter to tell you that it’s ok. I have no words of wisdom, nothing that will make the way you’re feeling go away. All I can tell you is that it’s ok.

It’s ok that you feel like shit right now. You just birthed a human, a tiny little person. Give your body the time it needs. It’s ok that parenting is anything but fun right now. It’s ok that your son is behaving like a shit, and it’s ok that you don’t know how to deal with that yet. It’s ok if you haven’t managed to get any washing done, and it’s ok to close your eyes to the mess. It’s ok if you live on toast and chocolate for just a little while longer.

New Mum A Letter To You

More than all of that, most importantly; it’s ok to cry. Cry some more if you feel like it. Cry when you’re asked how it’s going, when you’re asked how you’re feeling. You will not be judged, you will be hugged. Those around you who matter will know to tell you; It’s ok.

You’re not alone in this, even if you feel like you are. And the one thing I can promise you is that you will find your rhythm. Eventually it will happen; you might not even notice it happening, but one day you will look back to these first weeks and months and realise that you got through it.

Sending hugs,

Aleena xxx
*Names have been changed.

 

This post first appeared on Happy New Mum

New Mum: A Letter To You
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29 thoughts on “New Mum: A Letter To You

  • Pingback: 4 Things They Don't Tell You About Having a Baby: Happy New Mum? | MummyMamaMum

  • August 27, 2017 at 10:44 pm
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    Such an important note for new mums! Thanks for linking up! #fortheloveofBLOG

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    • June 22, 2017 at 3:03 pm
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      Thank you!xx

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    • June 19, 2017 at 6:01 am
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      Aww thank you xx

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  • June 18, 2017 at 6:52 am
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    Such an honest post- it’s so important for new mums to know that it’s okay to feel a bit shit. Thanks for linking up to #fortheloveofBLOG x

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    • June 18, 2017 at 6:59 am
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      Aww thank you xx

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  • June 15, 2017 at 7:23 pm
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    I couldn’t agree more that it’s so important for us to be able to open up about how we are feeling. Juggling two kids takes some getting used to and there is so much more pressure to be somewhere with the second baby as you run around after the first child. I hope your friend gets to read this and know we all have her back. x
    Thanks for linking with #coolmumclub
    MMT recently posted…#coolmumclub Linky week 69My Profile

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    • June 15, 2017 at 8:31 pm
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      Me too! And I think ‘pressure’ is the key word, whether we put it on ourselves or feel it from elsewhere xx

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  • June 15, 2017 at 6:34 pm
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    I absolutely loved this post. I loved how you said you had no advice but that it was Ok to feel this way. Too often people try to solve others problems instead of listening. Great post! 🌟 Thank you for linking up to #ablogginggoodtime 🎉
    Imperfect Mum recently posted…#a blogging good timeMy Profile

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    • June 15, 2017 at 8:29 pm
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      I agree with you on that so so much! I think sometimes it’s underestimated just how much a simple listening ear can be just what someone needs. Thanks so much for your lovely comment xx

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  • June 14, 2017 at 8:52 pm
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    This is a lovely letter. Motherhood can be so tough, monumentally tough. Nothing you can read or do can prepare you for it. I was going to say that I wish that someone had told me how difficult and life changing it was going to be, but then I wouldn’t have believed them. Pen x #dreamteam
    Pen recently posted…One is not born, but rather becomes, a motherMy Profile

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    • June 15, 2017 at 7:39 am
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      That’s very true… no one can really prepare you for it can they? Xx

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  • June 14, 2017 at 7:51 pm
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    It is all a bit shit at times isn’t it. I wish that more people were just honest about it. #fortheloveofBLOG
    Briony recently posted…Feeling Calm #67My Profile

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    • June 15, 2017 at 7:38 am
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      Couldn’t agree more xxx

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  • June 13, 2017 at 8:48 pm
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    Ah this is a lovely post. For me, just having one was a huge shock to the system. I can’t imagine going through it again with the added dimension of a second child! I hope your friend will be ok. Thanks so much for linking this up to #DreamTeam.
    Mrs Lighty recently posted…#DreamTeam Linky – Week 59My Profile

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    • June 13, 2017 at 9:08 pm
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      Aww thank you! I sure she will, she seems to be heading in the right direction! It’s amazing how we seem to somehow find our groove one way or another!!xx

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  • June 13, 2017 at 7:01 am
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    This is so supportive. It’s the not being judged and being able to find your own rhythm that is the best. #DreamTeam
    Mama Grace recently posted…Magpie ChildMy Profile

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    • June 13, 2017 at 11:33 am
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      Oh I’m so glad you think so, thanks for such a lovely comment xx

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  • June 13, 2017 at 5:44 am
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    This is so amazing, I’m glad you wrote it for all the new moms just trying to make it through the tough times. #DreamTeam

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  • June 12, 2017 at 10:13 pm
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    This took me right back to the first few weeks or months even after I brought my new baby girl back home and her big sister was only 20 months – a mere baby herself, and I expected so much of her. Of course she hated having to suddenly share me, her whole world had been turned upside down. And I felt so low. I couldn’t imagine it ever getting easier but just like you say so well, it suddenly does. Suddenly you get your groove. It will happen. Great post for new mums. #bigpinklink
    Susie / S.H.I.T. recently posted…KeraStraight – How To Go From Bushy Barnet To Silky Smooth LocksMy Profile

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    • June 13, 2017 at 6:21 am
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      It’s so true isn’t it? It just sort of happens without you even realising! Thanks for your lovely comment xx

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  • June 12, 2017 at 9:45 pm
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    Wow…I needed to read this! I’m due any day with my 3rd, and this was a beautiful pep talk. Thank you for sharing.
    #BigPinkLink
    Sadie recently posted…our rainy day on the farmMy Profile

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    • June 12, 2017 at 10:07 pm
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      Ahhh that’s amazing to hear! I’m so glad it resonated, and I’m so excited for you! Good luck mama, you’re gonna do great!! Xx

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  • June 11, 2017 at 6:52 pm
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    I wish I had read something like this when I was in the newborn stages with both of my two. It’s such a difficult time. Thanks so much for sharing with #Blogstravaganza, it’s great to have you! xx
    The Tale of Mummyhood recently posted…#Blogstravaganza #23My Profile

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    • June 11, 2017 at 7:49 pm
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      Me too.. I think that’s why I felt so compelled to write it! Xx

      Reply
  • June 10, 2017 at 10:51 am
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    This is such a heartfelt letter, I wished someone had written this to me when I was a new mum. Expectations were so different pre and post birth that it was just so overwhelming! I’m glad that it’s over now and hope that all new mums can see what you have written. #Blogstravaganza
    msmamabean recently posted…Gummy Bears for Adults! (Contains Alcohol)My Profile

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    • June 10, 2017 at 1:35 pm
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      Aww thank you, those are such lovely words! I’m glad you’re past that stage, and I wish someone had told me too!!!xx

      Reply

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