Sometimes My Kids Are Bastards, And That’s Ok!

Reading back through a text conversation between myselfย and a close mate, I’m a little bit concerned that other people don’t talk about their kids the way that we do. Or maybe they do, and just haven’t chosen to announce it all over the internet?

Either way, I’m not convinced that this exchange is such a bad thing. It might come across a bit shocking initially, but read on to find out why I think it’s totally ok.

sometimes kids are bastards

Are We So Wrong?

Now obviously, the way that we talk about our kids is very much tongue in cheek (although my kids are sick notes!) It has occurred to me, though, that other people might not talk like this. And I suppose it worries me a bit that we might be judged for it.

There’s something about sending a text that automatically makes me feel like it’s more acceptable to swear. In speech, I suppose as a result of having kids constantly at my ankles, I never… don’t often… rarely… swear a hell of a lot less than I used to, but in text the profanities just spill out onto the screen!

soemtimes kids are bastards

We Egg Each Other On

It’s like one gets the other going with all the swearing! I mean, our conversations aren’t always like this, but when the mood strikes, it really strikes! Also, huge apologies to Slimming World here, I think you’re amazing really, don’t judge me!

I think our shockingly un-mumsy use of foul language somehow makes the whole exchange seem a bit more mean than it actually is! It’s not a lie that my kids are “fuckin’ sick notes” but maybe I should have said that “my poor babies just don’t have the best immune system defences right now”. It’s also very true that my “bastard children … are selfish fuckers”, but maybe we could have been a bit more prophetic in announcing to each other that my “beautiful children born out of wedlock are currently ensconced in an egocentric stage of childhood development, whereby they are exceedingly focussed on the self”

sometimes my kids are bastards

It’s All Bull…

Or maybe, just maybe, sometimes you need to just sound off a bit. And maybe that’s ok! Because most of the time we do the Mum thing. We take trips, we go on adventures, we do all the crafting that sanity allows, we get up every morning, put them to bed every night, wipe every snotty nose, and field every “Mum! But why?”. So sometimes, sorry, my beautiful children born out of wedlock are simply bastards. I’m tired of them being sick, I’m tired of the sickness they’ve passed on to me, I’m tired of feeling like a dick because I’ve taken more time off work, and for a split second I thought my kids were bloody selfish fuckers.

That split second always passes, though, and before long they’re my beautiful children again (with rank snotty noses) and that’s what make it all ok.

x

45 Replies to “Sometimes My Kids Are Bastards, And That’s Ok!”

    1. Aw that’s such a shame – I’ll let you share mine, they’re ALL OVER the fuck you’d and prosecco hahahaha!!x

  1. those messages are the kind of messages me and my mum friends have. Screw that, even my friend who is child free (but a teacher so she knows) talks to me like that!
    every now and again, we need to vent.. so sue us! if it keeps us sane then im all for swearing til the cows come home! #ablogginggoodtime

    1. Haha, yeah I agree! Mine have been called all sorts, but we’re not the first and we won’t be the last! Xx

  2. The fact that I was already laughing at just the title of this post indicates that I share your sense of humour, and think a well placed swear word adds a level of depth to the english language ๐Ÿ˜‰

    Just be careful of your audience as I have learnt the hard way (especially after a few beers lol).

    Thanks for sharing with #coolmumclub
    MMT recently posted…#coolmumclub Linky week 63My Profile

  3. We all say stuff, we are human and kids are bloody annoying. We don’t gush about the soppy stuff coz, well, I dunno why, we just don’t seem to as much but it doesn’t mean we don’t love them. We just get so wound up we have to get sweary and let it out! #RVHT

  4. Couldn’t agree more and it gets worse as they get older! Cute moments are fewer and dickery is more apparent. Venting to a friend saves the sanity.
    #BloggerClubUK

  5. Oh you’re not alone! I will frequently inform my husband that my four year old has acted like an arsehole, or that the teenager was a miserable bastard…it’s a mixture of sounding off, making the situation a bit funnier, and being real. Sometimes kids are dicks, it’s a fact!
    #MarvMondays
    Sadie recently posted…thai salmon with jasmine rice [ recipe ]My Profile

  6. I’m sure the people who don’t admit it feel this way sometimes too. I told my (childless) friend the other day that while I love my daughter, some days I don’t like her. To me this was a mild toned down statement but she still looked at me funny and tried to correct me…………………. she’ll find out one day! #MarvMondays

    1. It’s amazing how you just don’t get it until you have kids?! She will definitely find out one day! Well done for toning it down, not sure I could have haha!x

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