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Reading back through a text conversation between myself and a close mate, I’m a little bit concerned that other people don’t talk about their kids the way that we do. Or maybe they do, and just haven’t chosen to announce it all over the internet?

Either way, I’m not convinced that this exchange is such a bad thing. It might come across a bit shocking initially, but read on to find out why I think it’s totally ok.

sometimes kids are bastards

Are We So Wrong?

Now obviously, the way that we talk about our kids is very much tongue in cheek (although my kids are sick notes!) It has occurred to me, though, that other people might not talk like this. And I suppose it worries me a bit that we might be judged for it.

There’s something about sending a text that automatically makes me feel like it’s more acceptable to swear. In speech, I suppose as a result of having kids constantly at my ankles, I never… don’t often… rarely… swear a hell of a lot less than I used to, but in text the profanities just spill out onto the screen!

soemtimes kids are bastards

We Egg Each Other On

It’s like one gets the other going with all the swearing! I mean, our conversations aren’t always like this, but when the mood strikes, it really strikes! Also, huge apologies to Slimming World here, I think you’re amazing really, don’t judge me!

I think our shockingly un-mumsy use of foul language somehow makes the whole exchange seem a bit more mean than it actually is! It’s not a lie that my kids are “fuckin’ sick notes” but maybe I should have said that “my poor babies just don’t have the best immune system defences right now”. It’s also very true that my “bastard children … are selfish fuckers”, but maybe we could have been a bit more prophetic in announcing to each other that my “beautiful children born out of wedlock are currently ensconced in an egocentric stage of childhood development, whereby they are exceedingly focussed on the self”

sometimes my kids are bastards

It’s All Bull…

Or maybe, just maybe, sometimes you need to just sound off a bit. And maybe that’s ok! Because most of the time we do the Mum thing. We take trips, we go on adventures, we do all the crafting that sanity allows, we get up every morning, put them to bed every night, wipe every snotty nose, and field every “Mum! But why?”. So sometimes, sorry, my beautiful children born out of wedlock are simply bastards. I’m tired of them being sick, I’m tired of the sickness they’ve passed on to me, I’m tired of feeling like a dick because I’ve taken more time off work, and for a split second I thought my kids were bloody selfish fuckers.

That split second always passes, though, and before long they’re my beautiful children again (with rank snotty noses) and that’s what make it all ok.

x

Sometimes My Kids Are Bastards, And That’s Ok!
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45 thoughts on “Sometimes My Kids Are Bastards, And That’s Ok!

    • May 10, 2017 at 8:14 pm
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      Aw that’s such a shame – I’ll let you share mine, they’re ALL OVER the fuck you’d and prosecco hahahaha!!x

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  • May 10, 2017 at 6:00 pm
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    those messages are the kind of messages me and my mum friends have. Screw that, even my friend who is child free (but a teacher so she knows) talks to me like that!
    every now and again, we need to vent.. so sue us! if it keeps us sane then im all for swearing til the cows come home! #ablogginggoodtime

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    • May 10, 2017 at 8:12 pm
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      So glad it’s not just me and mine haha!!x

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  • May 7, 2017 at 10:57 am
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    Ha, I dont think any parent would disagree with you. Sometimes kids are bastards or in my group of friends we call them dicks. That doesnt mean we live them any less and some days they are total angels too.
    My apologies for the lateness of my comment. #marvmondays
    Tracey Abrahams recently posted…Cream Tea – My Sunday Photo 7/5/17My Profile

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    • May 7, 2017 at 11:45 am
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      Haha, yeah I agree! Mine have been called all sorts, but we’re not the first and we won’t be the last! Xx

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  • May 5, 2017 at 4:00 pm
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    Hahahahahaha! To all of it but mainly the bit about Slimming World! Hilarious read! #ablogginggoodtime

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    • May 3, 2017 at 3:04 pm
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      Well thank fuck for that 😂😂😂 hahaha!x

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  • May 1, 2017 at 9:59 am
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    Haha my friends and I definitely do this! I think it’s a good thing to have a rant from time to time, and needed 😉 Thanks for linking up to #dreamteam x

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    • May 1, 2017 at 10:02 am
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      I’m so glad I’m not alone on this!! Haha!xx

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  • April 30, 2017 at 8:45 pm
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    Surely everyone talks like this on occasion? I think it’s great that you have someone that’s on the same wave length as you that you can sound off to and feel better x
    #Coolmumclub

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    • April 30, 2017 at 8:46 pm
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      I really hope so! Otherwise I just look like a bit of a cow don’t I, haha!! Thanks hun xx

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    • April 29, 2017 at 4:15 pm
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      🙌🏼 agreed!

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  • April 27, 2017 at 8:13 pm
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    The fact that I was already laughing at just the title of this post indicates that I share your sense of humour, and think a well placed swear word adds a level of depth to the english language 😉

    Just be careful of your audience as I have learnt the hard way (especially after a few beers lol).

    Thanks for sharing with #coolmumclub
    MMT recently posted…#coolmumclub Linky week 63My Profile

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    • April 27, 2017 at 9:01 pm
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      Oh yes, I can imagine some of the things we talk about might not go down so well amongst some!! xx

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  • April 27, 2017 at 7:46 pm
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    We all say stuff, we are human and kids are bloody annoying. We don’t gush about the soppy stuff coz, well, I dunno why, we just don’t seem to as much but it doesn’t mean we don’t love them. We just get so wound up we have to get sweary and let it out! #RVHT

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    • April 27, 2017 at 8:13 pm
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      Sometimes this is very true!! We should maybe gush more…..!xx

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    • April 27, 2017 at 3:16 pm
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      I won’t lie, I was nervous about this post!!!x

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  • April 27, 2017 at 11:12 am
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    Couldn’t agree more and it gets worse as they get older! Cute moments are fewer and dickery is more apparent. Venting to a friend saves the sanity.
    #BloggerClubUK

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    • April 27, 2017 at 11:45 am
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      Dickery! Love it haha!x

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  • April 26, 2017 at 3:41 pm
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    Oh you’re not alone! I will frequently inform my husband that my four year old has acted like an arsehole, or that the teenager was a miserable bastard…it’s a mixture of sounding off, making the situation a bit funnier, and being real. Sometimes kids are dicks, it’s a fact!
    #MarvMondays
    Sadie recently posted…thai salmon with jasmine rice [ recipe ]My Profile

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    • April 26, 2017 at 5:29 pm
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      FACT! Hahaha!xx

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  • April 26, 2017 at 2:47 pm
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    HA! HA! HA! The moment does pass…some not as fast as others!!! Very funny!!! #BloggerClubUK

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    • April 26, 2017 at 5:29 pm
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      Haha, glad you liked it!xx

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    • April 25, 2017 at 1:08 pm
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      Hahaha!! So glad I’m not alone 🙌🏼

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    • April 24, 2017 at 1:19 pm
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      Haha! Love that! I’m definitely in charge!x

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  • April 24, 2017 at 12:29 pm
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    I’m sure the people who don’t admit it feel this way sometimes too. I told my (childless) friend the other day that while I love my daughter, some days I don’t like her. To me this was a mild toned down statement but she still looked at me funny and tried to correct me…………………. she’ll find out one day! #MarvMondays

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    • April 24, 2017 at 12:44 pm
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      It’s amazing how you just don’t get it until you have kids?! She will definitely find out one day! Well done for toning it down, not sure I could have haha!x

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  • April 24, 2017 at 12:14 pm
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    I couldn’t even share some of the texts I share with my best friend. I love my girls to bits but they are idiots at times and illness sucks too!! Thanks for joining us for #marvmondays xx
    Fran Back With A Bump recently posted…Marvellous MondaysMy Profile

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    • April 24, 2017 at 12:43 pm
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      I love that! Aren’t they all, haha?!x

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    • April 24, 2017 at 12:43 pm
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      Oh my god I LOVE that!! I’m definitely stealing it!! Hahaha!x

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    • April 24, 2017 at 12:39 pm
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      Haha! Yup!x

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    • April 24, 2017 at 12:39 pm
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      Hear hear! Amelia blew me a kiss before her nap today, made my day!x

      Reply

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