We all do it right? I’m not the first to come up with a list, and I certainly won’t be the last! I often feel guilty (another one to add to the mum guilt list) when I tell Amelia little white lies, and more often than not now she is catching me out.
Let me know if you recognise any of the following!
1. It’s broken!
Hands up if you’ve ever used this one! I think pretty much all of us have, right? The bloody Peppa Pig ride in the shopping centre that is there solely to eat your £1 coins and create tantrums of epic proportions. Those stupid sweet machines that gobble up your cash, you twist the handle, half the sweets end up scattered over the floor and the other half result in blue lips and tongues and a hyper kid! The TV, the tablet, my phone… the list is endless.
“Not today, it’s broken!”
2. I don’t have any pennies
Now actually a lot of the time this is true. Like many these days I tend not to carry a lot of cash, if any at all. But 3-year-olds are not stupid, and Amelia will now quite matter-of-factly remind me;
“You do have pennies, Mum. You can use your card or your phone.”
3. The battery has run out
See It’s broken above. Actually as I write this, I realise that I have never explored the idea that the TV might need charging………
4. The train will leave without us!
I use this one daily. The basic translation is “You’re walking too slowly for my liking”. Obviously, I
always nearly always leave the house with plenty of time to catch our morning train, taking into account little footsteps and the inevitable distraction of chasing birds. For some reason, the thought that the train might leave “with about us” (Amelia idiom) is enough to get her little legs moving. I suppose this one isn’t really a lie, because let’s face it, the train would leave without us if it came to it!
5. It’s closed now, maybe tomorrow.
This one works for any old place; the ice cream shop, the sweet shop, the library (I know, I know, but otherwise she’d have me there 24/7), soft play, the park… I’ve used this one at various times of the day, but I have to admit she is starting to see through it now, especially now that the evenings are getting lighter.
6. I’ll call…
The dentist, nursery, Santa, the Easter Bunny, the Sky (TV) man, the man in the moon, NANA!
“No Mummy No! I’m doing it look, DON’T CALL!”
I wonder how long I can actually get away with this one for?! The poor kid genuinely believes that guy Dave* who installed our Sky last summer is on my speed dial ready to disconnect us at a moment’s notice…
*I don't know if the engineer was called Dave, so apologies to any Sky engineers named Dave reading this... wait, seriously, if you are actually a Sky engineer named Dave, drop a comment below, you could come in handy...
7. The dentist will have to take your teeth out.
Ok, this one feels a little mean as I’m writing it, but ever since Mr C had to have a tooth removed a few months ago, Amelia has been all too aware of the potential that this could happen if she doesn’t take care of her teeth. Again, not entirely a lie, but a bargaining technique we use all too often at teeth brushing time!
8. All of the other children everywhere are already in bed!
“Yes, Amelia, and you are the only one not in your bed. Oh Dear!”
Cue scuttling off to her bedroom post oh-so-dramatic audible gasp, hand to mouth, eyes as wide as can be.
9. [Insert friend or relative here] is at work right now.
So 9 times out of 10 this is actually true, but just recently I have started using this one at all hours of the day and night, including weekends. Amelia understands pretty well that being at work means people can’t just leave or chat on the phone whenever they want to. So when I know that Nana, Grandad, Auntie Claire, GG, or anyone else who Amelia fancies chatting to or visiting right now isn’t available, I resort to them being at work.
Seriously, if any of these people work half as much as I make out they do, I’m expecting some pretty decent birthday presents this year! (hint hint, these would be cool, thanks!)
10. In a minute…
This is basically my stock response to most requests these days, especially since the arrival of Wills and the increase on the demands of my time. 99% of the time I am in the middle of doing something when Amelia makes a request, whether it be feeding/changing her brother, housework, cooking, blogging, or (let’s be honest) scrolling through social media in a bit of a daze. It’s not that I tell her “in a minute, pumpkin” that’s the problem, it’s more that it is never just a minute! Just today, she asked me for a cup of warm milk after her bath, and actually had to remind me about 20 minutes later.
Not only do I forget things (seriously, all. the. time) but I deliberately try to stretch these “just a minute’s” as far as I possibly can, especially when I really want or need to just finish the task I am currently occupied with.
What lies do you tell your kids? I’d love to
hear steal them!