I Don’t Want Mum Friends

I’ve never exactly been what you’d call a social butterfly, and making new friends is hard in general. I’m a total over-analyser, and during those first parenting months I was more concerned with how other mums would view my parenting than I was about them liking me.

During pregnancy, I was adamant that I didn’t need to join any groups or make mummy friends. More to the point, I didn’t want to.

“I don’t need new friends, I have friends. Why do I need to make new ones just because I’m now a parent? My ‘support network’ is just fine, thanks!”

The unfortunate reality was that after a few weeks I realised that I probably could have used a little support network buffer, so to speak. My friends who already had children gave great advice and were a shoulder when I needed it, but they were at different stages with their kids. My childless friends were mostly at work when I was at a loose end or in need of a rant.

Wild friends drink coffee

Hindsight is a Wonderful Thing

Looking back, as much as I hate to admit it, I kind of wish I had joined a group, or tried harder to make friends. Now that Amelia is nearly 3, and Wills has joined our little family, I feel like there’s a little part of motherhood that I’m missing out on. Now that I’ve emerged (albeit partially) from the haze of new motherhood, some days I can think of nothing better than getting the kids together with a group of good mates and just chewing the fat for an afternoon, no-one giving a crap whether I’ve washed my hair this week, or have baby food down the front of my top.

I have great friends that I can (and do) enjoy this with but I won’t lie, I wish I had more. Mainly for the sanity of the one mum friend I have who has to be like 10 mum friends all rolled into one because I was too lazy and too ignorant to make any more!

Advice For New Mums

So if there was any advice I would give to expectant mums it would be this; make friends! However you do it, whether it be through blogging, websites like Meet Other Mums, ante-natal or NCT courses, Mumsnet, or any other kind of groups or meet-ups, believe me when I say you’ll be glad you did.


This post first appeared on Meet Other Mums


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16 Replies to “I Don’t Want Mum Friends”

  1. It took me quite a while to pluck up the courage to go to a playgroup, and then even longer to be comfortable enough there to actually speak to the other mums. I’m so pleased that I did though. I’d be lost without my mum friends and our play dates. Thanks for sharing with #DreamTeam x
    Rhyming with Wine recently posted…The Changing Room Incident…My Profile

    1. I think courage (or lack of) definitely plate a part in me not putting myself out there as much as I wish I had in the beginning x

    1. I definitely wish I’d found a group that I clicked with, and I totally should have made more of an effort to do that!x

  2. I could not agree more. I have a very good NCT group who have become friends. I was also fortunate that a close friend had a baby just after me. But I’ve not really made many friends outside of that and I do wish I had a few more. Now I’m back at work I have less free time to spend on those new friendships so I wish I’d done it earlier! #MarvMondays
    Angela Watling (Life, Motherhood and Everything) recently posted…Blogger Recognition AwardMy Profile

  3. It is wonderful to have that support but I find that sometimes it ends in drama. I had a lot of mom friends when my daughter was first born and most of them ended up only causing me grief and wanting to get into my business. The key is to find moms that respect you and aren’t there just to judge. #DreamTeam
    Brittany | A Mindful Geek recently posted…A Review of Beauty and the BeastMy Profile

  4. You are so right! I sometimes think that if I had made more effort to make mum friends when we immigrated. That my time here would have felt more meaningful. Definitely something I will regret! #marvmondays

  5. I completely agree! I never attended groups when A was a baby, mostly because I had no idea how Mum’s left the house. With baby #2 I’ve been better prepared but now have barely any time to meet anyone. It makes such a difference to have a support network of Mama’s though. Thanks for linking up to #MarvMondays. Kaye xo

  6. I was the same, I didn’t want join groups and be one of “those” mums – if I’m honest, I still don’t think I want to be. Since we’ve moved I’ve been spending time with adults where we don’t talk about kids – and its been a relief. I love my son to the moon and back but I love having actual conversations that don’t revolve around tantrums and potty training! #marvmondays
    Becki Parsons recently posted…#bottlefeedingstories with The Mighty DuxburysMy Profile

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